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I'm Breaking Up With You

{ Warning: This post might be triggering }

Have you ever been in a long-term relationship with something that isn’t good for you? But somehow you stick with it and keep going back to it because it’s the only thing you know to have been able to help you feel better when you were at a low point in your life; when you were depressed; when you were sad; when you were unhappy.

Somehow this thing you started becoming acquainted with became your best friend over the years. It’s your muse, your escape, your cave, and your sanctuary. It makes you feel safe and comforted. Yet, at the same time, you know that it’s not good for your health. You’re wasting your health away. You’re wasting money. You’re wasting time and energy. You’re sabotaging not just yourself but also relationships in your life because of your emotional attachment to your bad habit. But because you’ve been reliant on it for so long to help you feel better throughout the ups and downs of life, you don’t know how to cut ties. You don’t know how to break up with it. You don’t know how to say goodbye.

Goodbye is hard especially a forever goodbye with something you’ve been emotionally attached to for so many years. And whatever it is that you resort to to feel better, maybe this past year has been a wake-up call for you to take a look at your life and how you choose to manage your emotions. And maybe, just like me and many other people out there, you realize that you will be complete if you can just permanently cut your bad habit out of your life; if you can permanently change this bad habit; if you can permanently remove your cravings and yearnings for the comfort from what is not good for you.

Here’s the thing - when you realize that you are now an adult and you can be a happier person by eliminating what used to help you feel happier, you’re about to have a breakthrough. When your willpower and determination to change are stronger than your desire to keep relying on something that’s not good for you; when you have done the inner work to heal from past wounds and realize that this is the only thing left that is still holding you back from reaching your full potential, you are ready to successfully transition into the new you. You are ready to find your new source of happiness. And you know that true happiness will arrive when you take back control of your life.

Are you ready to break up with your bad habit? If you are, follow along...

1. Write a breakup letter

Imagine that this bad habit that you’ve been relying on for so many years is a long-term partner or best friend that you need to let go of. Literally, the emotional pain will be similar.

Example,

“Dear _______________

I think it’s time we break up. Thank you so much for helping me through the years and being by my side. Our relationship and codependency have become toxic. I think it’s best we stop being each other’s emotional comfort. My life will be better off without you. I will be healthier. I will save my money and my time. I realized that you have been blocking me from reaching my full potential. I used to always resort to you whenever I feel down. But you’re not healthy for me. This needs to change. And I am so ready for this change. I am going to let you go, for good. I’m sorry to say goodbye. Please take care of yourself.” 

2. Find new activities to fill the time with

Those hours that you used to spend on your bad habit, you now have to spend it elsewhere. The first struggle will be how to change your thought patterns from thinking about your bad habit to not thinking about it. How can you spend the hours you used to spend on your bad habit on something else? Something that is healthier and better for you - the ‘you' that you’ve dreamed of becoming or being. And now you’re on track to become that person for real - it’s no longer a fantasy or a wish.

What you replace the hours with needs to be engaging. It has to be something that can get you into the flow state that you forget about your bad habit. It has to be something that you truly enjoy, can focus on, and get lost in. It has to be something that gives you inner peace, contentment, and joy. Because if not, you will keep missing your bad habit. You will keep yearning for the comfort it gives you even though you know it’s bad for you.

Now write a list of things you can fill up your time, thoughts, and energy with.

a. ____________

b. ____________

c. ____________

These will go into your daily schedule & to-dos.

3. Start doing these things regular that they become a habit

Initially, there will be times that you still keep thinking about your bad habit. So you have to force yourself to spend time with your new activities until you stop missing your bad habit - until you successfully rewire your thought patterns and stop having cravings.

Putting in the time and creating schedules for your new habits. Block out your free time where you used to spend on your bad habit with your new habits.

4. Create an environment where you won’t be reminded of your bad habit

Sometimes being in the same old environment, we can get easily triggered. We just fall into the traps of engaging in our old habits - subconsciously. Because, hey, we are creatures of comfort, and old habits provide us comfort, no matter how bad they may be. Changing our environment and our surroundings can help us break free.

So how can you be in a new environment where you can form new habits that help your brains recognize and start memorizing that you create new routines, thought, emotional, and behavioral patterns?

5. Remind yourself of your goals - the why - the reasons you want to be the new you

The only reason and the only thing that can really drive this change is you and your desire to change. No matter how much someone tells you your bad habit is toxic and unhealthy for you, if you don’t have the desire to change yet, you won’t ever succeed in letting go of it. But here you are, ready to make that change and cut off cold turkey whatever has been holding you back for so many years.

Close your eyes for a couple of minutes and visualize the new life:

• What would your life be like without this bad habit?
• What would you be able to do and achieve without this bad habit?
• How much more time would you have to spend on other things without this bad habit?
• How much money would you have left without this bad habit?
• How much healthier you’d be without this bad habit?
• And how would the factors listed above enable you to create and live the life you’ve been dreaming of living?

Every day, for a few minutes, before you start your day, I want you to set your intention right. Start with the mindset that you’re going to do this; you’re going to achieve this; you’re on the path to becoming the new you.

Use these printables to help you create your new life. Stick to this for at least 30 days before you give up. If you miss one day, don’t be discouraged. Just keep on trying.

At the end of the day, it’s all about changing your thought patterns which will then change your emotional and behavioral patterns. If you can shift your thoughts and focus, then you can slowly cut the emotional ties to the old habit. Practice shifting your thoughts and focus until you forget the old habit and start forming emotional attachments to your new habits.

You can do this! 🙂