To Be Loved When You Feel Unlovable

Why does it seem so much harder to let yourself be loved than it is to love?

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

Lao Tzu

This is such a beautiful quote. Yet, I feel that the opposite seems to be true.

Allowing ourselves to be loved requires a great deal of courage while loving someone deeply gives us strength.

It is so contradicting, isn’t it?

Why is it so hard and so difficult to let ourselves ‘be loved’ especially during the times we need to feel loved the most - when we feel unlovable; when we feel worthless; when we feel like an absolute failure?

Why is it so hard to let ourselves be loved unconditionally?

Is it because we’ve never felt that unconditional love exists? Is it because our parents placed so many conditions on how and who we need to be in order to feel loved by them?

But aren’t we all old enough to let go of those feelings and realize that our parents were just as messed up emotionally as we are? That our parents were just raising us up the way they were raised up? And that at the end of the day, they love us unconditionally whether we succeed or fail, whether we’re beautiful or ugly, and whether we’re doing things their way or our way. Whether we feel lovable or not, we are always loved by them.

Why is it that we build up such walls around us when we feel unlovable and unworthy? But who is to say that we are unlovable and unworthy of love besides ourselves?

Why do we keep rejecting offers of love when it is given to us at the time of our lives where we feel undeserving? Why do we place so many conditions on ourselves - for who we need to be and what we need to do in order to be loved instead of being okay with being loved simply for our being?

Who are we anyway without our achievements? Who are we anyway without our looks? Who are we anyway without our strengths? Who are we anyway without the personality traits we present to the world that we are liked for? Who are we anyway without our hobbies and interests?

I don’t know the answer to this. But I think there is power in recognizing when we let ourselves be our own worst enemy by rejecting love because we feel unlovable and unworthy. By doing so, we refuse to be loved unconditionally. But why do we feel so uncomfortable with being loved unconditionally when it’s supposed to do the opposite. Why does being loved during times of despair make us feel more like a loser?

Why?

Something to ponder upon...

And I’d love to hear how you feel and hear about your struggles with allowing yourself to be loved.