Just before I fell asleep, I started thinking about something someone said years ago and realized how true it is as I have lived through it.
You will not attract the person you want to be with until you’re where you want to be in life.
Everything we attract on the outside is a reflection of what’s inside. If you’re trying to find a mate while you’re still broken, you will attract a mate who is equally broken.
What you attract is a re-affirmation of what you believe. Your beliefs are influenced by past negative experiences. The more emotionally-traumatizing the negative experience was, the more deeply-embed the beliefs stay with you and act as the lens which you see the world through.
Until you change your beliefs, you will see everything and everyone through those lens and unconsciously try to select people who act in coherence with your beliefs.
Unfortunately, this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy of negative beliefs. Until you start to question your own beliefs and try to change them, you will unconsciously try to re-affirm that your beliefs are right.
This is why people who believe people cheat usually end up dating cheaters. Somewhere in their subconscious mind attracts the type that re-affirms their beliefs.
If you look around at your friends, you would spot patterns. If you look at your past, you would spot patterns. Until you look deep into the hole within your heart, look at your upbringing and your relationship with parents, your attachment style, your values as well as the strengths that you are attracted that naturally come with the same set of weaknesses, you will never understand why you keep running into the same issues over and over.
We gravitate towards the familiar more than what's right because they're comforting. We learned about love through our parents and observing our parents. How we receive or did not receive love, attention, and approval from parents as a child, we will continue to seek that in our romantic relationships until we heal that part of our self with parents.
Until we learn to heal the wounds we’ve had since childhood, we will continue to repeat the same patterns until we do.
So if you’re not where you want to be in life, seeking a mate should come when you have healed the wounds with parents and are closer to where you want to be in life.
We attract what we are. Everything we see, positive or negative, is filtered through the lens of our emotions in the moment. How?
- Do you remember when you're in love? Everything looks beautiful when you're in love, right? You keep seeing beautiful things and smiley people around you. If a grumpy person walks past you, you might not even notice it. If someone upsets you, you just quickly forgive them because you're in such a good mood!
- Do you remember a day that you're grumpy because you didn't get enough sleep? Everything around you was irritable, wasn't it? No matter how funny or positive something was, it could never get you out of your grumpiness!
We only match with things that match our vibration. We only see things that are reflections of what goes on inside ourselves. Raise your vibration. Change your beliefs. And you will see your life transform from the inside out.
So how can you heal? We have listed the 10 steps you must go through in the previous blog post.